Colin is striving for consciousness and an existence rife with self-acceptance, adorable children, and loving community.
I currently reside in New York City and I work for a charter school in a Kindergarten and 1st Grade classroom (I wouldn’t work in one again because of corporate privatization of education, but yeah…didn’t know that before). I’m sustained by ice cream, hope for reparative decolonization, and lil’ cute animals. I may be seen biking to work, cursing the heavens, or playing with small children at the laundromat.
My long-term goal: become a lawyer, sociologist, and community activist. Through this blog, I’m ready to embrace my narrative and simply share what comes to mind.
This open-ended and public journey of self-expression represents a kind of vulnerability that has been difficult for me to sustain. Even though I’m constantly engrossed by the words of those struggling for social and environmental justice, I have been hesitant to add my voice to the mix in fear that I could not achieve the clarity of expression and exactness of analysis that they practice.
But, yeah, fuck you, Anxiety. It’s time to tear shit up. This blog is a recognition that I don’t know everything, nor do I intend to self-righteously preach. I want to learn. I want to love. I want to be a part of something better. But, I also don’t want to take myself that seriously because, damn, that’s definitional pretension when only your maternal grandmother reads your stuff (hi, grandma!). Thank you for joining me and I hope you enjoy the musings.
Below is a letter I wrote to convince myself to start this blog. It’s my first step in embracing the radical language that I extend to others, but often not my own life. I hope that it resonates with you.
“I’m no longer accepting what I cannot change, I’m changing what I cannot accept” – Angela Davis
Because I can’t accept that this is it. You see, it’s a matter of survival. It’s the essence of thriving. I must ground myself in the beauty of the present while dedicating myself to a future that protects people of color, challenges patriarchy, sculpts the alternative to colonial capitalism, promotes ecological sustainability, and values everything in between.
Our destructive consumption persists uncontrollably. Global inequity violently silences too many lives. Through this blog, this stream of social consciousness, I’m proclaiming my unconditional refusal.
I refuse to submit and acquiesce to the gnawing anxiety that ravenously devours my ambitions, my intentions of compassion, and the foundation of my resilient, buoyant optimism.
I refuse to cohabitate with suffering, that which seeks to turn away my gaze, thoughts, and care from where it is needed.
I refuse to continuously buckle under the emotional baggage that life shackled to me without my consent, even if I errantly cradle its familiarity. It may always be a part of me, but it will not define me.
I refuse to alienate myself from loved ones (both old and those yet unmet), from nature, and from the communities of people that strive to balance resistance and respite.
I refuse to passively benefit from my privilege, and instead dedicate myself to its disruption and deconstruction.
I refuse to believe that cultivating a good life is incompatible with a life dedicated to social and environmental justice. They are not mutually exclusive, and I refuse to neglect my self-care.
It’s time for something else – to evolve my humanity beyond intention and towards meaningful impact. This blog is defiance. This letter is commitment. But it’s also a request: stand with me, share with me. In a world of overwhelming injustice, let us forge value that is not defined by money and possession, but by connection, community, and the strength to face a world we wouldn’t have chosen. So much in life is done to us – decided before we were born and possessed the voices to cry out in protest. Nobody asked what we wanted. Nobody got our consent. Even though we couldn’t choose then, we don’t have to accept it now. I utterly and completely refuse to submit, and so should you.
But, still, let’s always make sure to have some laughs along the way, cus’, shit, then we’ll really lose it.
Through these meandering musings, I hope to glean some semblance of meaning from the ethereal transience of life. Perhaps I’ll write like two hardly coherent posts, give up, and add this to my “Unfinished Projects That Still Bring Me Pangs of Guilt.” Let’s hope not.
(LOL this was me for a year. I know myself too well)
Still, it is purposeful.
I’m choosing something better. Oh, and don’t think I won’t inundate this with pictures of kittens playing in boxes. Because I will. And if you don’t like what I write or think it’s weird, oh well. Let’s just try and enjoy the ride of life and make it work for us. Our lives depend on it.
With Love and Solidarity,